Trepidation

I have started this post over so many times, never sure where to start. Or if there is even a reason. My readership is probably at about 3, and I think all of you actually know me… So why even tell it? It’s not that I need a voice – I have one. It’s not for sympathy, I deserve none (not do I want pity). Maybe to find other who have travelled a similar path? I don’t know.

I see great struggle in my future, and why not revisit my blog. Where I have laid out so many of my struggles previously. Before I got married. Through my babies. Losing weight. Then things got easy and I stopped writing. All together, stopped. Or maybe just got busy. I don’t know.

Rob and I are perusing a divorce. We have been married for 8 years, after getting married young and fast (not as fast as some, but faster then most of my peers). There are lots of “reasons”, and none at all, at the same time.

I am lonely. I have been in a relationship of some sort since I was 19. I am 32. This is foreign and weird and uncomfortable. And clearly… A place to grow, if I let myself. I am not lonely in the sense of being alone. I am not. I have good friends, good family, good work/social life. It is just very strange, not “belonging” to someone in particular.

There is no despair in me, only trepidation. A bit of worry. But a keen sense of hope, of “things will get better”.

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One thought on “Trepidation

  1. You do belong to someone: you belong to yourself. This was the first hard lesson I had to learn when my first husband asked for a divorce. It was so important to me that when I stopped wearing my wedding ring, I bought myself another ring for my other hand to wear as a reminder to be true to me. I wore it daily without fail for probably 8 years. It’s now been closer to 11, and I still wear it quite frequently, if not daily.

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